awakening

draft.-,

your lips are the sun-

my forehead
the cloud it touches
then rises over,
parting;smile
to shine on all
that encounter you today

i get to be first,
alone with you,
eyes still waking from dream
so that i see you double

sleep, awake, sleep, awake--

you never left
you never leave

i lie under you all day

and when i sleep again,
you
setting
beneath my chin

blow kisses, stars

traveling without moving

there is so much noise in the city. restless. eager. angry. people come so close, brushing by you, hastily during lunch, on their way to the end of the block to wait at the red light. distant. weary. searching...

today, my future has weighed heavy on my mind. ever since i received formal notice of graduate school not being in my plans in the very near future (fall), the cloud of uncertainty that surrounds my next move has grown darker...not some fog that burns off in the late morning. this is a storm, and it is here to stay until i make a decision.

slowly, but surely, i'm gathering steam to move toward a career in education. i'm looking to get out of this temp job and substitute teach for the rest of the school year and then possibly get a position teaching summer school somewhere...now this seems like the right path or the beginnings of finding the right one, but then i'd also like to leave dc, but with no money how shall i move and if i was to move, where would i work...and would i like it? would i want to come back here? i guess all those questions could not be answered unless i actually moved.

all in all, i'm tired of standing still.

After THE ROOTS: ACT TOO- The Love of My Life

hip.hop.


the most beautiful things
come in the most rhythmic packages,

starting small then
swelling behind the ears

beyond the years.
and just when you think

this may go on forever,
that every question your life

may have has just been answered,

the song ends.

i'd like to take this moment to shit on myself

the more i read my blog, the more i realize how uninteresting my life is. I'm a disillusioned idealist with large dreams, yet variable motivation. when someone gives it to me real, more than likely in the form of a question by my father (where are you going? what's the plan? you gotta have a plan...what's the next step--i never have an answer), i breakdown mentally like will i ever have it "together" (no, you will not). I'm 23 years old. I've been out of school almost two years and I'm in the same place I was 2 years ago..... Ok, so I've had a very good relationship with a beautiful woman for almost a year, i have a job, and friends that pretend very well to like me, so not exactly the same...i guess this is where the shitting stops and i begin to wipe my ass.

flush the toilet,
put the seat back down,
wash my hands
and leave the bathroom...because life keeps going even if i decide every now and again to stop for a moment and be flustered by how fucking fast it really moves.