searching for tulips.

for alana.

our bodies:

flowers blooming
in a private garden,

coupled against the light
of a low-riding moon

breathe in anticipation,
exhale epiphany,

feeling, again, for
the very first time.

chillin in philly.

I'm here now in my blog reflecting on the weekend and i really don't know what to say about it. maybe i'll give it another day to sink in.

places visited: Buttercup, Tangerine, Mantoni(sp), Cuba Libre, Gino's Steaks, Philadelphia Museum of Art (lobby), UPenn campus, South Street, Penn's Landing, Haverford College (brother's school)

but then that really tells nothing of why these places were visited, what was done there or who i was with. gotta be up at 6, but i had to put something down or i would have felt bad about it tomorrow. back later with thorough re-cap.

The ACC is that shit.

and we all knew, the orange would fall to blue, didn't we? no team has ever won 38 games in a season...the last to get this close was Duke in '99 and we know what happened...UCONN got that ass. Sean May entered the building in the shadow of his father's M.O.P. performance in 1976 when he and the Indiana Hoosiers beat Michigan 86-68 to cap off the last perfect season, and left (on his 21st birthday) matching his father's points total in the championship game (26) and eclipsing his rebound total with 10 (Scott May had 8).

In the end, you live by the three (used efficiently by Illinois to get back in the game in the second half), you die by the three (3 consecutive missed three pointers in the final 3 possessions). Illinois attempted 40 three pointers (championship record) and made only 12. Props to Deron Williams and Luther Head for helping the Illini make it a game to remember after North Carolina looked like they might run away with it after extending their lead to 15 at one point.

So, the big ten once again falls to the ACC in the championship game. In 2002 it was my Terps over Indiana, Michigan felt the wrath in back-to-back years, Duke in '92 and UNC in '93. If I hear another person talk about the ACC being overrated, I'll go to all the numbers in my head. "let's argue the numbers buddy, leave nothing to speculation". The ACC has won 3 of the last 5 championships...look at the past 15 years... the ACC has been represented in all but 2 final fours (96 and 03)... (duke 90, 91, 92, 94, 99, 01, 02, unc 93, 95, 97, 98, 00, 05 md, 01, 02, g-tech 90 and 04). i mean it's like come fuck wit us...lol...that's every year in the 90s except 96. and the 'oos except '03...man!!

not to mention championships in 91, 92, 93, 01, 02 and 05...six that is...that leaves 3 SEC joints (94 Arkansas, 96 and 98 Kentucky), 3 Big East (99 and 04 UCONN, 03 Syracuse), 2 Pac-10 (95 UCLA, 97 Arizona), one Mountain West (UNLV 90) and one Big ten (Michigan St. 2000). Let's not begin to talk about the weeks at number one or the multiple one seeds etc. I mean will the best fucking conference please stand up and claim that crown that is yours this year and every fucking year. ask Bruce Weber about it.

other tidbits about tonight's game:

Roy Williams 3rd man in last 30 years to lead alma mater to title (Boeheim '03, Williams '02)

Illinois first championship game in school history

Second most combined wins for schools in title game (69) (duke/uconn '99 = 70)

5th meeting of ACC and Big ten in title game (ACC 4, Big ten 1)

UNC first team since '79 Michigan State to win tournament within four years of losing record
(UNC '01-'02 were 8-20)

Sean May only 4th player in tournament history to average at least 20 pts and 10 rebs. in tourney. (M.O.P. of Final Four '05).

more facts later.

"hey can i tell u i miss u"

-anonymous

umm,
that's what i would call a dumbass question. now, i'm a very compassionate person, but why not just say it? why ask for permission to say something you said while asking? and why am i trying to understand why this was done? i really do not know.

--

dali 

and on to the final four.

i've just experienced arguably the best weekend of college basketball in my life. the regional finals, two overtime games and one double overtime game (the first time in ncaa history). the final four is now set: louisville v. illinois and north carolina v. michigan st. this joint is gonna be tight, ha.
--
sidenote:

i'm rethinking the appeal of casual relationships. simply put, i want a girlfriend. *slaps self*

i got a job.

i'm a clinician-in-training for a learning center here in DC. I'll be working with children, helping to increase their comprehensive skills through strengthening of concept, symbol imagery, decoding of words, phonemic awareness, etc. I'm in the midst of training and finally a brother is getting paid...this week feels really good.

--
Tomorrow I will discuss the NCAA Tourney and how done my brackets are...

common at DREAM

last night was great. i got to see one of my favorite artists live, for free. yes, the keyword here is free. i was pleasantly surprised by how much energy homeboy had on the stage. i doubt that i would have gone to Dream if it weren't for the show. i was out with a group of folks so that was cool. i'm into going to places with a lot less people. it can get down right ridiculous in there. i look forward to the BE album that drops May 24th on Kanye's new label...if i'm not mistaken he said BE stands for Basement Elevation, and that we were in the basement last night, feeling the funk, returning to the days of hip-hop past. oh, and that new "Corners" single with the Last Poets is tight. live shows are amazing.

memento and steel reserve

high gravity, indeed. it's good to have my brother home from school for break. now someone can point and laugh at me late at night, laugh endlessly together over dave chappelle's hilarity and enjoy a brew over a film whose beginning is its end and end...well, yeah you get the point. good company is great.

my name shall be in print weekly now at the Informer. I began a "This Week in Black History" column this week, which will highlight memorable events and people. it feels good to contribute information to something that thousands of people read every week. i will begin to link my weekly contributions (along with some features in the works) for your viewing pleasures.

everyone be merry.

a day of upsets.

march MADNESS has begun.

#1 Illinois 64, Ohio St. 65

#3 Kentucky 52, Florida 53

#7 Kansas 68, Missouri 72

God bless the underdog...and now UNC vs. Duke Part 2.

hmm...terps

i'll say it again...where is john gilchrist?
mccray and jones need to have a big second half.

halftime score: terps 37 hokies 45

...

final score: V-tech 86, Maryland 76 *shakes head in shame*

i pray for NC State to trip up against Wake Forest sunday night,
make it more difficult for the NCAA board to keep the terps out of the tourney.

next stop: ACC tourney, DC.

Maryland vs V-tech

let's get a win! go!!

the woman in the window.

i dont belong here, but there she is, smiling, waving. you know me? she knows me, well she knows my name and the school we shared. she knows my writing. i know her position, but now, in this place outside of our place of business, i can admire--desire. the wind is blowing and i can't stop thinking, and i drift often but i never thought my drifting would have a purpose. tonight, she offers me the words. i breathe them out silently into the space between our bodies, i wonder if she can read them in my eyes. as she leaves, i wonder.

does she? wonder?

mixed emotions.

I was happy to see Morgan Freeman and Jamie Foxx win Oscars last night for their roles in Million Dollar Baby and Ray, but more importantly the terps lost again...sigh.

North Carolina 85, Maryland 83

Gilchrist is a major disappointment of late. I mean where is the leadership? consistency? It leaves me shaking my head. The closeness of the final score only adds to my agony as a fan. We showed that we can ball with the best. I commend Mike Jones for stepping up and trying to make something happen (he should have drawn a foul on that play...it was a block waiting to happen). Now we have to go on the road to play Virginia Tech. I feel like a season with 10 losses is a bad year. We'll see what happens....(shakes head).

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

but the problem is it's almost MARCH! go figure.

fear the turtle?

I was very disappointed in tonight's game against Clemson. The final score was close (97-93), but overall the game was not. The Terps (16-9, 7-7) were down by as much as 16 in the first half before cutting it to 9 at the half. They remained close for most of the second half, keeping it within 10, even cutting it to 3 at one point. However, sloppy defense, bad fouls, poor shooting, and overall uninspired basketball led them to another conference loss. What bothers me the most is the inconsistency of the team from game to game. Clemson, tied for last in the ACC standings (13-13, 3-10 in conference play!) has now swept the Terps after losing 13 straight contests to them before this season. Next for Maryland is a North Carolina team that will be a #1 seed in the NCAA tourney, barring a total collapse before the ACC Tournament, . I should add that North Carolina destroyed Clemson by 32 three nights ago and obliterated Maryland by 34 in January.

Things are not looking good. We (yes, we) are on the bubble now. We have dropped to fifth in the ACC, only one game in front of Miami and a half-game ahead of Georgia Tech. At this rate, we are in jeopardy of not controlling our own destiny, hoping for another conference tournament run like last year. We only seem inspired on the court when playing Duke (an almost lock for a #2 seed). If we finished the regular season with 9 conference wins (winning 2 of our last 3), I see at the highest a 6 seed, which places us in the precarious position of meeting up with a lights-out shooting mid-major team with everything to prove against an opponent from a high caliber conference. I'll say it again...things are not looking good.

I've been a fan of the Terps since 1996-97 season, the season after Iverson left Georgetown right along with my interest in Hoyas basketball, although I always have an eye on how the program is doing, and this year John Thompson III has done a great job putting them back into the March Madness mix.

The players:
Gilchrist- has his days, but does not have the consistency of say Chris Paul of Wake or Jarrett Jack of G-tech. The team needs him to be a leader but I don't think he is ready mentally for it. Some nights it seems like he doesn't show up at all.

Garrison- The mo'fo is too tall not to have any inside presence...ok, i'm still a little pissed off at the loss tonight. He's a decent rebounder but has no post moves, takes too many outside shots. Where is Lonnie Baxter when you need him.

McCray- A wonderful shooter, it's unfortunate he doesn't do it more. He should be the first to shoot on the team...shit, he's a shooting guard!

Gist- I like him. He reminds me of Joe Smith only a little slimmer. He's young though and shouldn't have to play the role that he has been forced into. Give him another year and he'll be a consistent 16pt/10reb. guy.

Ebekwe- He's a mini Chris Wilcox, attacks the rim, has potential to be a great player on the blocks but he doesn't attack enough and he also, like Garrison, takes too many outside jumpers. They belong in the paint. Post up nigga! Post up!

Mike Jones...who?- Well, it's about damn time Gary Williams gave homeboy some real PT. Known out of high school for his outside shooting, I like how he has taken the ball to the basket the past two or three games. He is the X-factor come March.

Bowers- A body. Rarely contributes points. his hook is awful. 3-4 boards a game. go figure.

Ledbetter- Gilchrist's replacement, slowly being brought into the system. I don't have much to say about his game. I haven't seen enough of him.


Tonight, I was informed by the telecast that the ACC tourney is here in DC...? It has been in Greensboro so long...I assumed it would be there this year as well. I wonder if the change of location has anything to do with Maryland winning the tournament last year. hmmm...

All in all, I love Maryland basketball and I support them no matter what, but it's time to step that game up...

GO TERPS!

okayplayer.

it has been my writing domain for the past two years and lately there has been a lot of talk from people on the board about not getting enough responses to their entries...the sentiment that people were not "feeling" them or were "hating" on their work. this, as well as the considerable drop in talented or thought-provoking threads sparked my two-week hiatus from the board. that may not seem like a long time but i have over 2200 posts on the board and i haven't gone more than a week without posting since feb '03. i consider it my internet mainstay. anyway, i wrote a piece about all of the pissy talk from folks entitled "view all" which is what pops up to the right of a thread title once it gets over 20 responses. my hope was for people that have no idea about what goes on in this web community to have at least a slight grasp after reading this. i would like to think that my writing is evolving. you be the judge.

(view all)
i(we) have been defined.

I. virtual

i have been defined by the
white wall, a void with grey boundaries,
the depthless scroll, occupied by a black
stenciled vocabulary of dying thoughts,
remnants of daydreamed master-pieces poured
out on a board of alternating threads,
distinct personalities that mistake
external afterthoughts for validation
that could only come from within self...

(he who knows
what life his
word speaks from
what death it
molds)

...where purpose has always
been shadowed by expectation--

and there lying in a pool
of self reassurance is the
interpreter. no questions.
answer: continuous ups
for the palpitating heart.

II. reality

i speak from no high
moral ground.

i know because i am.

and how important is this
inquiry of multiple worlds?

tantamount.

if i had two lives
maybe this life could
be blindly and overtly
lended to bullshit.

if i am to speak,
i shall speak volumes
so that even those
that don't listen
will hear.

it is reached for,
sought after--perfection.

yet my humanity
will not allow for
a worldview outside
of my own, and i fall short
in attempting to go against
the grain of selfish promotion.

it may be the need
for the isolation of i(eye)

or

the idea that less is more--

knowing when to speak silence
is an attribute we all
must embrace.

it's the first step to
the first reply.

in the midst of sad news...

i strangely feel calm tonight even though i was bombarded by sad news from people i encountered today, from a cancer diagnosis of a friend, to the failing health of neighbors in my old neighborhood. i was feeling quite nostalgic so i decided to take a ride over into deanwood, 46th St. and Sheriff Rd. Our old home has not been occupied since we left back in '96. The home at the top of the block was torn down and all that remains is an open field. It felt somewhat unreal being on the block, since I feel so removed from that time in my life. Interestingly enough, I left the street with a lead on a job. The rest of the day had no purpose really other than to be out of the house...i drifted from the bookstore to the record store and then back home in time to watch the all-star game.

and now, poetry.

where i am now.

ok, so not much has changed in the past two weeks. i feel somewhat guilty for not having much to say but there isn't really anything worth documenting. i have no love life. i have no job. my creative juices have been sporadic for the past month. everything is out of place. i guess this counts as an entry...i'm drunk and it's sunday morning. i wish my blog was more entertaining but then i guess i'd have to be more entertaining and i'm not... a dull 22 year old, lost. what more can i say?

three statements and a word.

why do i find myself crawling into your womb every night to be reborn?

~

on my worst days, i never leave my dreams, let alone the bed.

~

not even a good poem can soothe this heartache.

~

catatonic.